We caught up with writer and podcaster Thommy Waite to chat about his new e-book Danny Did A Fluffy and find out why the Colombian city of Medellin is worth checking out on your next South American surf trip. Yew!
Your e-book Danny Did a Fluffy tells the tale of two Youtuber brothers from Cronulla in Sydney. Are they the surfing worlds digital bra boys?
I’m not really sure why I set Danny Did A Fluffy in Cronulla. I guess I wanted somewhere super bogan, on the periphery of a big city, and The Shire definitely fits that mould.
The two boys in the story don’t actually surf. They don’t really do anything apart from live off their fifteen minutes of viral video fame. Surfing might’ve saved them from themselves. Nothing can humble you quite like the ocean. But then again, maybe they would’ve met some other delinquents at their local break and ended up even more screwed.
Ok so this book isn't really about surfing or gangs but you live in Medellin, Colombia so you must have a cocaine gang story to share?
Last year I heard about this guy called the “British Escobar”. He was a middle-aged English guy with a pet food empire living on the outskirts of Medellin with his Colombian wife and two kids. Turned out he was actually manufacturing huge quantities of coke in his labs and was part of a powerful cartel that was distributing powder all over the world. He got busted - his stuff had a street value of $500 million USD.
There’s a thriving Narcos tourism industry in Medellin, which most locals understandably detest. It caters to bros who want to see all the main attractions from the Netflix show. Places like La Catedral, which is the prison Escobar built for himself. And of course they complete the fantasy by picking up hookers in Parque Lleras and snorting a ton of blow.
A lot of these dudes end up falling properly in love with Medellin, and move here permanently so they can live the dream 24/7. And most of them find a way to work online; cryptocurrency, digital advertising, ecommerce, shit like that.
So although the British Escobar guy seems like a far-fetched Walter White type character, he was probably just a dude who came here a few years ago and things spiraled out of control. There are some foreigners in this city who have a burning desire to live out their own drug lord storyline. I’m actually working on a novel that’s gonna drop in 2020 about a bunch of young gringos who move to Medellin, create their own personal Garden of Eden, and then get in way over their head. It’s kind of like The Beach meets The Wolf of Wall Street.
And for surfers travelling to Colombia why should they head inland to check out Medellin?
The city of Medellin is at the bottom of the Aburrá Valley, alongside the Medellin river (no waves, sorry grommets). Surrounding the city, there's a lot of cool outdoors-y stuff to do. You can go paragliding, downhill mountain biking, whitewater rafting. So surfers can find a bunch of fun stuff to do.
The city itself is largely safe and easy to navigate. There’s a bunch of tours where you can learn about the violent history in a respectful, non-Narco tourist way. Paisa women are beautiful. Lots of cool bars to check out in the Poblado area. Despite the growing number of visitors, it’s still a really cheap place to be a tourist. Locals are extremely friendly, but it definitely helps to have a bit of Spanish up your sleeve.
We really dig your podcast and writing attitude that seems to be unapologetic for speaking your truth and making us laugh at the same time. Why risk getting cancelled and has the internet got too serious?
There’s this quote from Bukowski I really like. He said “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”
Over the last few years we’ve shifted to a primarily digital world and what I like to call a “surveillance culture”. At the same time, I’ve noticed more and more of my intelligent friends withdrawing from public online discourse. I think this can be partly explained by people getting older, more responsibilities with work/family etc. But I also think there’s a general fear of self-expression. It seems like even the most flippant remarks can cause serious reputational damage IRL. So rather than take the risk, a lot of cool cats shut the fuck up.
Somehow I’ve ended up with a life where I’m essentially off the grid, financially speaking. When I realized this, I started flying my freak flag more freely because I knew there were a bunch of interesting people who weren’t in a position to. And I got a bunch of DMs from these type of people saying they dug my stuff, to keep going, to keep being honest.
In terms of cancel culture, I think many artists care too much about the opinions of strangers. It goes both ways. Progressives do everything not to offend anybody, and edgelords try and offend everybody. I feel like these people, and also a lot of tame people in the middle, are adjusting their actual opinions in the interest of trying to build an audience. But once you’ve made your bed you’re expected to lie in it. I’d rather stick to my guns and take the long road. I try not to get too paranoid about the hypothetical thoughts or actions of strangers. If my friends and family decide to cancel me, that would be a major problem. Until then, I think I’ll be fine.
As for the internet getting too serious, I was actually talking about this the other night with some friends. There’s some shit on the internet that’s legit serious. An example would be civilians in warzones posting real time updates about their predicaments. The internet is an amazing utility for sharing those types of serious messages. But the internet’s also been totally hijacked by commerce, and there’s so much noise. You don’t notice the poor guy getting bombed in Syria because you’re busy doing Buzzfeed’s latest quiz “What Type Of Pizza Are You?” or “5 Ways To Keep Your White Privilege In Check”.
Or maybe you’ve been triggered by some frivolous thing that’s masquerading as an important discussion, such as the transgender bathroom debate. In these debates, morons think they’re engaging with something that “matters”, but really they’re just getting data harvested by Zuck and his buds. Nothing changes. The solution would be to have channels that are unsexy and avoid commercial sponsorship so cool content can flourish uncensored. But then those things get popular, just like a hip new indie band, go mainstream, get commercialised, and then it’s over.
I also think there’s too much bread and circuses right now, so even if people have good intentions, they don’t really care about saving the world. I see first-world people posting heartfelt messages about migrant crisis issues on Facebook, stuff like “When are we gonna do something to help these poor people???” with teardrop emojis. But then they immediately go back to compulsively posting about The Bachelor. If you were keeping track over a calendar year, The Bachelor might get 50 posts and the migrant stuff would maybe get 5. But then if you ask these people what’s more important, they would tell you with a straight face that they care way more about the migrant problem. But the data doesn’t lie, and old mate Zuck knows that. People in modern countries have these fabulously privileged lives, and they’re really enjoying themselves, but they know that other people are completely fucked, so they virtue-signal online, and it helps alleviate their guilt.
So yes, I do think the internet’s too serious at the moment, but for all the wrong reasons. Personally, with my own output, I like Larry David’s “no hugging, no learning” mantra. The Seinfeld writers apparently used this as their guiding principle when they were making the show to keep it from becoming too cheesy or sentimental. I just focus on creating shit. I have zero impulse to weave in some type of grand, serious message.
Speaking of internet controversy, writer Jordan Peterson has twelve rules for life but you seem to only have one "don't be a square". Care to explain?
Yeah I’ve kept it simple compared to old mate Kermit. It’s not really that profound. When I was at uni I had a casual job stacking shelves at Coles. One night when I was driving home I was listening to AM radio and this song stopped me in my tracks. It was an old rockabilly song from the 50’s by this unknown dude called Bruce Culver called “Square Record”. Ever since then it’s been my favourite song, so I decided to use it as the theme song for my podcast, Thommy Waite’s Square Record. And this was the springboard for the “don’t be a square” slogan on my website. But it doesn’t have any real significance. Maybe if you listen to Jordan Peterson you’re a square, and if you listen to me you aren’t. That’ll do for now!
We've got a couple of final surf questions to throw at you...
What's your ultimate surf fantasy or nightmare?
I watched that Storm Surfers doco a few years ago. I dug it. It’s a midlife crisis movie, kind of like Sideways but with some sick swell. Getting helicoptered out to an ocean break in the middle of nowhere would be fucking mega. And if I ever ended up in that situation, the fantasy would be successfully catching a monster wave with ‘Sleep Alone’ by Roland S Howard blasting in my ears.
What does the word 'stoke' mean to you?
I ran a marathon a few years ago (humblebrag). My first meal after the race was a basic garden salad with some ranch dressing. The moment my tongue detected the sugar and fat in the dressing my whole body went “Zing!”. To this day it’s the most intense experience with food I’ve ever had. It made me think about Plato’s Theory of Forms, which is basically that there are true and absolute concepts in reality, but all the objects and matter in the physical world are merely imitations. That moment was a killer ‘stoke’ because I felt like in my weakened state, I was more open to the true nature of reality.
Rad! Thanks for the yarn TW, where should people go to read and listen to your square record?
No worries! Thanks for having me over. You can find the ebook and audiobook version of Danny Did A Fluffy on Amazon. It’s a short story and will only take you about an hour to read/listen to the whole thing.
I also write a weekly column on Medium, drop new videos once a week on YouTube, and you can listen to my podcast on thommywaite.com or by searching for Thommy Waite’s Square Record on your podcast app. I’ve dropped my socials below too.
Twitter @thommywaite
Insta @thommywaite
